Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
