After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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