Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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