do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
