last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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