I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
