"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Alive.
So much puke
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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