Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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