areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
