Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
