I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
