Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize