i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
