can u get pink eye on your cock?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
