Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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