have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
