I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize