The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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