Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
