Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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