sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
