69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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