I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
