Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
