I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
