Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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