i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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