Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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