In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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