I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
