My room smells like vodka and shame
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
