Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize