I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
