id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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