Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
