woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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