I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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