Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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