"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize