Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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