I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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