I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
