She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
