I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
