Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
