She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
