You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize