he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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