I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize