you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
