if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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