At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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