I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
