My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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