Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
