how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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