Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize