I heard we made out
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can I color on your dick again?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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