you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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