did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
