if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize