im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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