Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
