May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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