i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
