dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
