I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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