I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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