her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
