I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
