I got chris browned last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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