you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
