The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
