Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
