Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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