that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
